poor tinies

Why do people view awful things differently when it involves animals instead of humans?
We all breathe, their emotions are as valid as ours and no less real.
This made me so sad.

i watched a video of dad spinning me round with his hands, me squealing like an excited piggy to altered images aged 2 in the living room. when he watched it he probably felt sad too that i am grown up now.

then i watched one of grandma. she picked me up and held me close and gave me a cuddle. she has been dead for 15 years and i didnt even remember her voice. i got as sad as ive been for a while but this time i cried.

then i fell asleep and dreamed earthquakes and swimming and shattered glass and deep baths.

but i also saw my friends back in cheshire floating around inside my head and when i opened my eyes i was at home.

has died

death on facebook is such an odd thing, it really unnerves me.

i found out someone i was friends with had died through facebook two years ago while i was in a room full of people and it was awful.

i saw a "RIP" profile tonight and went on the page of the girl who had died as i didnt know her but we had a lot of mutual friends so i figured that she was someone from home.

she was pretty and young and her passing has obviously had a huge impact on people, but the thing that sent shivers down my spine was a set of pictures "updated a week ago."

rest in peace alice.

one day

one day i am going to keep a tally on one arm of how often i have a silly thought about death and a tally on the other of how often i think about my appearence and i shall report back with numbers, and then get a real hobby and maybe a grip.

scent

i held a skirt which belonged to my grandma who has been dead for over ten years and it felt as though she was alive again for a few seconds.

death

can
halt
disorder