Monday, August 30, 2010

ive had my eye on a bag for ages.

huge, waterproof and light blue with a fancy scribbly flower pattern all over it, at £20 it was a reasonable price but still something i needed to persuade myself i had worked hard enough for.

after my seventeen hour shift, i went to get it.

im not a fan of retail therapy, shopping gives me a headache and makes me feel drunk so i avoid it at all costs and in any case, every stupid purchase i make now could mean one less day living in canada next year... that is really what it boils down to.

however, this bag cheered me up. i have needed a decent one for ages and taking everything out of my old one which was falling apart and putting them into this shiny new one was the higlight of my sad little life for an entire day.

i can see how buying materialistic items works for people, but i am lucky enough to have a best friend who sends me beautiful letters which begin with things like "oh hello scarecrow" and follow with the sort of words which make you realise that even the paper they are written on and the ink they are written with really means nothing because something invisible and immeasurable exists which makes nothing hurt quite as much as it ought to.

i would sellotape everything from my bag onto my clothes for my best friend.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

"i am very proud that you have become an adult but when you come home can we be children again? and break into the village hall and play with that lion and eat playdough and laugh like we are the most important thing that has ever and will ever exist...?"

nothing else matters.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

today as I sobbed into my Grandma's arms over unimportant misunderstandings and sat down to dry my eyes as Dad explained what Milton Keynes was, I felt a little bit safer again.

Friday, August 13, 2010

i like to think we are going to protect each other.
we accept the love we think we deserve

Thursday, August 5, 2010

This morning when I opened my eyes, one of my best friends from home was staring back at me, smiling.

I've been sleeping with kyanite under my pillow again so I thought it was all a dream, not a beautiful surprise.