Monday, November 30, 2009

perceptions and a pep talk

here's a little secret for the world wide web...
i often worry about what people think of me.
i think it is natural to do this, and if you don't, then congratulations on being enlightened.

however, it is unhealthy to worry too much, which is why i have come to realise that when it feels like i cant rely on anyone else to pick me up, shake me and call me a dickhead, i should just do it to myself.

being lonely can teach you a lot, and it isnt all bad.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

canada canada canada

tonight i made a promise to myself that i would not let real life get in the way anymore.
i may have put myself into a self induced slumber for months in order to earn money to pursue a dream which i am not entirely sure why i am chasing.

perhaps i will lose myself completley instead of finding whatever it is i feel the need to follow.

but for now i have to restore some sort of balance,

so that at least if at the end of the rainbow there is nothing,

i have not just been watching the rain.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

"Fandom as Pathology: The Consequences of Characterization"

"What I am suggesting is that we respect and value other people as if they were us, because they always are"

-Joli Jenson

Saturday, November 21, 2009

tears in the bathwater

dramatic bathroom scenes.
i have a shameless love of them... i never told anyone until my housemate accidentley blurted out that she felt the same way.

having a bad week?

nothing feels as good as sliding down the shower, mascara to your shoulder blades, its foolproof.

today was no exception... i put my head under the water and made a promise to myself that next time i hated the city i would go back there for a minute and remember how home felt... there is a warmth that was a void.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

coming back to a sight to put it right...

ever since i discovered that i can go back home for a day, the notion has lifted everything else into a tiny manageable cloud.

leicester was so peaceful tonight. the wind was gushing and pushing around nothing, it was lovely.

and it felt as though i had climbed into my own head for a while and had a little sit down.

what a deep breath... ahhhhhhhh

its just seaweed.

I dont see kelp in retail
I dont see kelp in my degree
I dont see kelp at the bottom of a bottle
Or on the man lying next to me
I dont hear kelp in music
I dont feel it much anymore
I only see kelp in the ocean with the otters
Who catch the stones I have thrown from my pockets
And wait for me patiently...

Sunday, November 8, 2009

if but hopefully

when i have children i will smack them when they are ridiculous but also make sure they have an imagination, manners, 5 portions of fruit and vegetables a day and absences from school for (only partially) educational days out.

the rest will have to weave itself i guess.

well well well

"i asked him how he could still be friends with them both when they had gone behind his back"

if i had said it was possible i would be starting a very contradictory argument.

if i said it wasnt, i would be reminding her that she had done the same to me.