yesterday i did lots of things in 22 hours and i felt tired and happy.

today i did nothing and i still feel happy.

last week was one of the worst of my life.
it wasnt that anything particulaly bad happened, the whole affair was just utterly suffocating.
my little hamster died, in the middle of us moving house. i know there are a thousand and one worse things that can happen to a person, but watching her suffer and feeling completley helpless, then having to go to work and think about her there struggling on her own was horrible.
we buried her in the meadow and i will miss having her around. last summer she was the only company i had really.
i love my new house, but i am sick of being treated like a retarded 16 year old. my money is as good as anyone elses, and im not a stupid girl. it has been an uphill struggle, but at least i can be proud of myself because it was hard work that got me here.
on the topic of hard work, i secured a high 2:1, which was lovely. right in the middle of so many other problems it felt completley irrelevant, but i know everyone is proud of me which is what really counts.
i dont really feel anything anymore except tired. i have little money and even less fun but at least i am being independent.

it has all gone too fast.

if i stop to think too slowly

i will cry and i won't stop

and it wont help.

its not like i am one

as i sat cross-legged on the floor of the humanities corridor outside my tutors room, i opened my book and shamefully felt every inch the annoying, pretentious student who acted like she wanted everybody to know what she was reading and why.

this was until two girls sat down outside another door, and began discussing their essay in the irritating multi-reigonal yaryaryarlike student accent that spreads like a disease over campuses across the country each year.

"i was gonna like, do about like, women but then like, i thought it would be a bad idea cos like, i dont really know much about it and stuff... like."

i lifted my copy of "the female eunuch" to cover my face and wished it would cover my ears too.

I attended a Creative Writing talk today where a few postgrads shared their work, all excellent stuff, and refreshing to see ex-students doing well after a disheartening year learning about the difficulties within the literary market.

The poems which focues on aspects of the gaming world were especially good, and Mystie from the mountains read from her novel too, which was really interesting and well projected.

Later in the day there was a guest talk from Alexi Sayle.
I have to admit, I didn't know a lot about him, but I do know that he is a big deal and rather funny. I don't mean to be ignorant, I just feel that going to a guest lecture without really doing your research can be quite useful. Rather than building the performance up based on their life's work, you can take them at face value which is free from bias, and learn a few exceptional things along the way. It worked with Adele Parks and Liz Lochead last year anyway.

The talk was rather insightful, and hilarious at times. He had some interesting stories about meeting George Lucas and Harrison Ford. When speaking of rulers, he said that he believed everyone wanted to feel significant and safe- I definitley connected with that statement. He also mentioned that his parents (who were fierce communists) wouldnt let him watch bambi. At the end, my friend asked "how do you become funny in five words or less?"
"Fuck off Shithead" was the reply.

I like the man.

gosh

today was absolutley lovely.

the sun has finally come out again and provided perfect weather for basking on a rock outside the university, smoking roll ups and chatting to all manners of friendly passers by.

i even looked after charlie the dog for a few minutes.

with all my hangovers, i get a period of grinning immensely and feeling really warm and pleased about everything, and although it often follows with shakes and anxiety, it was nice to feel so happy and content with everything.

plus, kissing occured the night before...


he was from liverpool and people call me "fairyworld." it wouldve been a lost opportunity not to sing "fairy...'cross the mersey..."

i know this is innapropriate for the internet, but i dont give a shit. have you seen the rest of the world wide web? (its hardly 2g1c now is it.) i could do a lot worse than a drunken kiss.