i have more on my mind than in it.
and erm, no one to talk to.

box

here

when words won't do

i had a very difficult conversation with my best friend yesterday,
he couldnt understand why i could easily accept that for five months i will run myself down into the ground, he says i am making myself ill.

how can doing the right thing be wrong?

I don't know who I am but I'm pretty sure it isn't the person living here.

I know this doesn't belong on the world wide web but I don't have anyone to talk to about it in real life (I don't suppose I would talk a great deal about it even if I could) and I certainly don't have much to lose.

At 21 years old I have spent so much time worrying about the way I look that I have let myself turn into a bit of a monster.

Everything is out of proportion with everything else because I keep losing and gaining weight at the wrong pace and in the wrong places, and it doesn't even matter because nobody noticed or cared either way.

I still get out of bed every morning to go to work or finish my university deadlines, I still have friends and I am still alone. I am probably still healthy, but not as healthy as I once was.

In a year, nothing has changed on the outside, but I have wasted a lot of time worrying to myself. The worst part is, I'm not done worrying, not even close.

I guess the point of this is to quote something I heard once;

"If you can't be a good example, you can be a horrible warning."

On the plus side, at least it shows how lucky I am. If I had real problems I wouldn't have time to waste worrying about something so trivial.

goodnight.

when my final piece of work for uni is handed in i will write a blog about the desperate housedykes and justify why i like them.

poor tinies

Why do people view awful things differently when it involves animals instead of humans?
We all breathe, their emotions are as valid as ours and no less real.
This made me so sad.

As I sat outside the bar where I had eaten breakfast and dinner and drank too much coffee and tea, I realised I was shaking and couldn't read the name of the place on the sign properly.

This was when I realised how close I was to a burn out.

Please, if it is going to happen again, let it be after my deadlines and not during a shift.

I can't think at all.