Sunday, September 26, 2010

when im with you it feels like we have an audience.

so the first train home was total jokes... i was all sloppy and drunk and eating cold pizza out of tin foil and exchanging filth via text message with my friend too next to this guy in a suit and alls i could think was "my suit is at home today."

second train was much better. i usually have to travel alone because you know, i live forever away from everyone so it was unreal to catch a mates mum in the seat in front of me. how i laughed. she said she knew it was me on the phone (to her son as well) when she heard me talking about how i had disgraced myself. i apologised in case my behaviour had embarrased her and she said she doesnt waste time getting embarrassed. she would be the best mother in law ever, serious.

as we pulled up to the supermarket someone was getting arrested and i wondered if it was someone i knew... it wasnt. i saw a friend i havent spoken to in a very long time (on purpose) inside and instead of a punch i got a hug. i told her about my job and she told me she was waiting on a video rental callback. i said, "how nice that we've both ended up in the film industry" and for a split second when we laughed there was a little bit of the past there.

we had a big family meal because we are never ever together as a unit anymore. most of the discussion centered around fat people and how some of them get flat bottoms from sitting down too long, which was engaging. i havent had a sunday dinner in months. me and my housemate dont have a freezer or like, anything so it all puts a bit of a limit on a few things... this dinner was top notch as well.

i went to see a friend after. her family are hilarious. the kids are mental comedy genius, if i ever reproduce i hope mine are a bit like that. i love seeing her because she never does that ridiculous small talk thing, she just jumps into a random conversation. i really admire people who see the importance of doing this for me when i see them. only the best people do it.

saturday was unreal. it was so sad and decent all at once when we left the coffee shop after meeting my old bosses best mate and all three of us agreed that none of us had laughed like that in as long as we could remember. when did we all turn into these old, miserable people? i seriously cant hack it. it was great to have a break from that for a bit.

saturday night was absolutley ridiculous. we all got terribly reckless and i literally felt exactly how i had wanted to feel for ages, which was 18 again. it seeped into the next day effortlessley, and when we got my mum to drop us at the park i found something i written on it in 2004.

i was an absolute state. we both were, and i loved every second of it. i never get to be a state anymore and i never get to answer "how are you?"truthfully and i never ever get an understanding nod instead of raised eyebrows... it was so good just to have people to talk to about everything and anything. while i was sat on the park i realised how rubbish it would be to take a step backwards in my life but at the same time, i think being so lonely is slowly eating away at me.

it twisted my stomach to hear how everyone was so bored and overworked. i mean, at least we are in this shit together but wow, we have all changed. last night and this morning were so crucial... i hope i never forget them.

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