"claire, sometimes i think i just made you up"

yesterday i finally had 16 hours lying in bed in my cheshire bedroom to read "the perks of being a wallflower" by stephen chbosky. it is the first time for many years that i have done any of the above, and it was lovely. finally, i read a book that listened to me.

the other night i spent the early hours of the morning watching the extras on the mary poppins dvd. there was some video and sound extracts from the premiere and it was fascinating and really quite magical to watch... nobody seemed real. julie andrews is such a gracious swan, i love everything i know about her.

two christmas miracles: rage against the machine got to number one... i ate my weight in sin and lost half a stone.

fade away the shake up

tomorrow i go home.

psssht

how i wish i was rainkissed more often.

oh.

i now realise that my writing isnt worse, i am just better at spotting all the glaring errors without having yet developed any sort of talent whatsoever to amend them.

erm...

cat vacuuming? OHHHH.

this makes plenty of sense.

http://whatever.scalzi.com/2006/04/27/10-things-teenage-writers-should-know-about-writing/

the trick is to keep breathing

today i noticed my first wrinkles. they are on my forehead, which assumes that i have been very surprised for a 21 year old. regardless, wrinkles mean that your body is tattooing you with the notion that you have had a lot of a useful emotion... why cover that over with a blank stare?

i wear very little makeup these days.
most of the attractive women over 40 that i have the pleasure of knowing do not wear much makeup and they look better for it.... better than they believe they look. most of the girls my own age look best first thing in the morning and dont believe this either.

i know my appearence is all downhill from here. i struggle daily with my weight to the point where i am given embarrassing labels and the girls around me always look far more beautiful than i do, effortlessley.

the least i can do is make sure i dont look pretend.

selfish

quiet little fireworks

i would really quite like a cigarette.
i dont need one i guess, i just think i do.
i have already looked all over the house twice, and even though i know there arent any, i will still keep looking.

all i want for christmas

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQH7972wAj6wkdHs0BkOSJG5DpqSUMSTCntgOk_3mRdRWzKItofkABF8zU-1f5bRrZ91A7RHgkiY5W-BvR3udMADcXdvGDc7EXwxK0eGtt5g4P_3SzTX3zkdYgErSKLn23zc2GMNov48Ur/s320/Sainsbury

and cheshire.


and secretley to be thin, world wide web.

riding in cars with boys

"I'm 22 years old - that's almost 30, and I still haven't accepted that this is my life. And I just wish that I could be dumb. And then I wouldn't know better and I could be happy and stop hoping. And I'm telling you this like you're interested in my boring life."
- Beverly, Riding in Cars with boys

i wish i wish

i wish

someone would show me how to kill my darlings

lectures

yesterday we learned about narcissicm (sp) and now i am very embarrassed.