with dramatic ease
i fell to my knees
and soon enough
you were sick of me

"...truer than all subsequent loves because it never had to survive real life"
-The Virgin Suicides

today is my half birthday,

the day i went to belgium last year and experienced one of the biggest learning curves of my life

and the day my parents started going out in their second year of university.

i went to bed at 4am and got a call at 5am telling me to go outside. i thought i was dreaming and went to look. my friend sam was stood outside the house with his bike wearing sunglasses. i invited him in and we had a little talk. i read the toon tellegen letter from the squirrel to the ant and then we went to sleep.

i had a dream last night that someone cut off my limbs and i was going to die, and a man took me in his arms and kissed me. i cried and said "thank you for making me feel less undesirable." i told my friends i was cross that i couldnt think of a poem to say as my final words and we all laughed.

my housemate took me into her room today to show me a lilac clockwork bunny with chicken feet called mr. easter... this wasnt a dream.

these ships

are you the sort of woman
who wears make up when you sleep?
does the sight of lipstick on his collar
make you want to weep?
did you realise he was just
another boring metaphor
when he shouted you are perfect
and whispered for a whore...?

is his beauty really wonderful
or carved trouble deep?
did you notice when he said
i do not want you 'till you're cheap
did you think he wouldn't look at you
until he saw your ribs?
did you think perhaps he'd love you
if you tried to shrink your hips?

when he smiles does it hurt
because he paralysed your lips?
will it ruin his career
if you choose to sink these ships?
when you slip your fingers down your throat
do you think of him?
did he let you tell yourself
that nothing tastes as good

as being thin?

valentines day

doesnt anybody ever get bored of being smug or bitter on the 14th?

it seems that everybody is either faffing about buying useless presents, trying to compete in romance with one another or pretenting they dont care until they are so drunk that all they can do is send cringey texts to people who couldnt care less.

i think valentines day can be useful because if society didnt pressure certain types of people for at least one day of the year, some poor bastards would never get anything.

i also think it is a complete waste of time for single people to get defensive and worked up... it seems selfish to boycott something meant for for happy couples because of lonely jelousy.

and what does 1 day matter? surely it is the other 364 you should be bothered about?

i wish everyone would stop trying to prove themselves to each other and just get the hell on with it...

it is pancake day on tuesday, start planning your fillings!

be my twitcher.

find out what one is, then become it. i might love you.

<3

i sideways vee and three you